She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
He was peeing on the back wall of a building. He would have been okay if the building hadn't been a police station.
The bros used their bong water as pong water but I walked in mid game and didn't know so they hit our first cup and I chugged it.
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
Do you think it would be weird to wear a shirt that says 'big fun small package' from an ex for a first date?
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