What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
I think his glow in the dark Star Wars sheets, at the time, really turned me on.
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
Listen, you can whine about not having a "red" wine glass, or you can suck it up and chug it from the vase like the rest of us. The choice is yours.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
