I accidentally burped into my bong.
so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
i just deleted quailman, hot hawaiian dude, appalachian swimmer, and connecticut from my phone
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
America approved of our night. A bald eagle flew over us at 7am
On the couch having a debate with the dog over whether eating anothr sweet roll will make the hangover better or worse
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
Randomize
