I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm stoned as hell watching the new Star Trek movie. My life is 110% better than it was an hour ago.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
I swear I'm going to walk in one day with you in a ballgag just masturbating feverishly
Well i can't stand the sound of my own crying
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize