Im so sleepy and hes snoring super loud! i just wanna suffocate him, sleep, and deal with the body when I wake up
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
Randomize
