she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
Do you think Conan would leave his wife for me?
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
He ate me out while I finished season 1 of Stranger Things. If that's not a modern day relationship goal, then I don't know what is.
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
test was negative. but nancy drew has yet to solve the case of the missing period.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
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