it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
The other. Cat spoke to me and left. This shit is laced
The first cat might save me but they are taking out masks
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
gorilla chasing a banana on crotch rockets. Halloween is getting way too real
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Randomize
