Just saw a woman in a hospital gown with a Steelers jersey on top smoking a cigarette while hooked up to an IV outside of the hospital. I love Pittsburgh.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I always knew ther was a reason why we're best friends
Obvs our love of drugs
I like to think of it more as our love of curiosity
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
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