So you know how craigslist used to have an "erotica" section? And how after you click on a link it changes a darker color? And how Dad stays up really late most nights?
Oh god... well at least he's gettin some. Mom's a prude.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
Every single person in dollar tree stares at you if you are buying a pregnancy test and wearing a charlie brown costume. Just FYI.
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
I'm just a little concerned for your well being... and your penis too I suppose.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
CUTE BOY IN THE OFFICE WALKED BY AS I WAS STARING IN HORROR AT HARRY POTTER THEMED SKELETON PORN
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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