girl! he was asleep with his back to me.he farted and i actually felt the wind blow across my leg.nice
Dude I think you forgot how to talk last night. We kept asking if you wanted a condom and you just smiled and made weird noises...
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
like in an apt above a crackhead. A LEGIT CRACKHEAD. he woke me up every morning this week asking me if I wanted to buy a mini fridge and some CDs. at 5 am. EVERY DAY.
her facebook pictures are like a timeline of all the guys she's screwed.
i literally paused in the middle of it, turned on my light, pointed to the picture netxt to my bed and go "you hooked up with my roommate too!!! AWWW!" he was so weirded out. i don't think he understands the relationship we have..we share..
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
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