i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
You came back with puke all over your sweatshirt and started doing darth vader impressions
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
You hit a new plane of existence as we all watched in awe
I mean, you have to swipe right on someone you had sex with last week though, right?
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
I think I just found my soul mate...he's wearing a zebra striped onesie and is into Michael Jackson...I'll explain in the morning.
If I had your ass I would rule the world
Randomize
