You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Just looking for some anal play. An attempting to read atonement. The highbrow/lowbrow divide is striking.
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I think I should start a match.com profile and put "robe lounging" as my only hobby
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Its mothers day, andI woke up with 12 bar stamps on my face, holding orange juice and a box of tampons. This can not be happening
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Note to self don't stop having sex during an earthquake! I call it a 6.1 orgasm!
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
