so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
Then I received a text in French, that roughly translated to "all you'll ever be good for is sex on the Internet"
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
She wasnt impressed wen i brought a guy for her back with me, a 3am impromptu sperm donor is not a gd birthday present. Im a bad gf.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
Ok cuz s'mores night just turned into pina colada after noon and it will be mas fun
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
He referred to his penis as "The Purple Headed Yogurt Slinger." I'm both disgusted and turned on
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
Is that your Nuva ring on the floor? Shit must have gotten crazy
Randomize
