I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
I'm microwaving a frozen bottle of Two Buck Chuck while watching The Proposal with my housemate. I'm not sure what success is like, but I'm fairly confident this isn't it.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
I have acquired a mango...tonight is successful so far
Her name is susan
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