She went from zero to smokin in five shots
The walk of shame has never felt more glorious... I think it's the somberero
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
I think this agreement was sent by God. I get to do my own thing, get laid, and he still makes me breakfast in the morning.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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