I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
got delayed, meet you at the bar soon, found a shopping cart, i am now getting pushed to the bar by some guy that was peeing in the alley i found the cart in
He kept dropping hints about giving me crabs. Like he called my pubes a nest and said he "hoped there weren't any eggs in there."
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Randomize
