yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
You should get with him and swear you have to use lambskin condoms. That'll test his veganism.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I swear to god if he wasnt on the fourth floor balcony and I wasn't to drunk to climb I would kill him
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
Third base with a 7ft basketball player last night. Fingers like a champ. I call him Edward Penishands.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
the worst fight me and my gf ever had was over Guy fieri
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
Randomize
