I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
she then came into the room and yelled I'M GOING TO BE A COCK BLOCK for 5 minutes
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
I've spent the last three hours watching 30 rock and eating marshmallows and ham. I'm considering taking up weed to justify my lifestyle.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Randomize
