He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
her tits were misleading. turns out she wasn't cool, smart and funny
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
that was probably me. ive bitten a lot of people.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm missing a sock, a boot, and antlers. We need to get on that.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Randomize
