pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Somebody found our where I was and called the bar looking for me. When the bartender called my name I finished my beer and took off like a fugitive.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
Jacked up my neck and shoulder hanging on for dear life while I rode him like a boss. Plus my house smells like broccoli, bad! How's YOUR morning?
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I mean when you laced a shot with $200 worth of cocaine I could see why you'd be mad when somebody drops it
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Can you come unlock the door? I just peed myself on the porch.
Your grandma found me sleeping in my car this morning, and she wanted me to tell you she was going to church... Also, last night was amazing.
Randomize
