I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
hung over. covered in somebodies makeup. and ready to drink.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I'm pretty sure the guy on the dance floor with crutches just smacked me in the butt with one. Do you think he's flirting?
Success! We fucked roommates!
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
I'm too drunk to make ramen. What the fuck is this.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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