From inside my college history class i see him waving his arms while holding a beer bong trying to get my attention
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
He listens to me complain and in return I send him naked pictures. It's a win win situation
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
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