His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
they made me velveta mac and cheese and fish. I wanna stay here the rest of my life
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Kinda suprised you didn't immediately ask about the lesbian ghosts tho
I woke up with a treasure map drawn on my ass. Whattt.
Come over I need help. I just almost died in an acid flashback while listening to do You Feel Like We Do off of the Frampton Comes Alive album.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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