Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
After me and my boyfriend broke up I had to resist the temptation to send a mass text to my booty calls saying "thank you for your patience. it will be rewarded."
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
dibs on John Mayer's hood pass
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
