Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
Charles Darwin would shit his pants if he saw that we managed to survive that weekend.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
I just smoked a bowl with the lady who runs the special olympics. Your move.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
Randomize
