My entire life is one complicated drinking game
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you blew your rape whistle in his face every time he got near a girl till he left the party...
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
I petted my head, told my hair it felt beautiful and needed to be let free. Then pulled out my pony tail. Cheers to weed. I lose.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
i'm licking honey sensually off my arm while alone in my room. what has my life come to
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
I KEEP THINKING INAPPROPRIATE SEXUAL THOUGHTS ABOUT YOU AND I AM SORRY.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
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