i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just stared at a tree for a solid 5 minutes because I thought a German Shepard was perched on a limb.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
I can't remember dinner
Hahaha "rub in the ketchup on your face, It'll just look like blush." some gay waiter said that to you, and you go "good idea!"
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
I DONT HAVE THE SOCIAL SKILLS TO EXPLAIN THAT YOU DIED EATING MY PUSSY
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
