just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
we all took turns holding you up and pretending that you were simba and that we were presenting you to the jungle
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
I was taking a bath while he walked in, sat down on the toilet, and said "its like a baby, I can see it crowning."
I DON'T WANT TO DEMONSTRATE MY DICK TAKING ABILITIES WITH MY MOM THERE.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I guess when I black out I feel that it's not inappropriate to grope my gf in front of her parents.... But hey at least I'm starting off 2013 single
So much rum. So many feels.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
