Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
.....so he has a son. Josh. That is not his roommate
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
I don't care where my tongue is but i t's going to be in all the pictures.
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
I picked up the bartender so he could open the bar early and ended up with him giving me a ride home when he closed. I like snowdays and everything, but they get really expensive. Also, I think I threw up on his front door. Not checking.
I miss her, but also fucked her ex boyfriend.... So there's that
Yeah you burned that bridge with your vagina
Do you know why I woke up with a half peeled lemon in my purse with a post-it that said "eat me" on it?
Randomize
