I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
so I was at the house for 3min to grab my bathing suit & tequila. You know, the go-to weekend combination
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
You will never be paid again to get drunk and tell off cops without being arrested. Once in a lifetime opportunity
You're right. Fuck my job. I'm in.
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
i just has to use a gift card to Target that one of my students parents got me to buy Plan B bc my bank account is -$0.08 so my 2017 is starting exactly how i pictured.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
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