New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
she showed up with nothing but olive garden breadsticks in her purse.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
Playing nyquil pong with a cat again
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Just remember I’m your roommate with extremely questionable morals
Exactly, what could possibly go wrong
Randomize
