Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
beyond obliterated. i recall legitimately trying to use a ballpoint pen as eyeliner.
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
She's not a foreskin expert like you
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
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