So I have exactly 420 dollars saved up in tips from the past week. I win, and I take that as a sign from god that I am allowed to use that money to buy drugs.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
he sent me a picture of his dick with a heart border around it
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
yeah...that's gonna come up in court
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
You did what with his pubic hair?
Randomize
