this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
and she was petting her beer can
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
It's hard to believe so much cum came out of such a small penis.
Once I saw his penis, I knew I made the right choice
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
if I was a good friend this would be the time that i would remind you that you have a boyfriend
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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