I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
All he said was "Yeah, there's a lot of air down there. And penis."
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
