my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
Someone sharpied 'shit show' on my tits. Someone with excellent penmanship
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I've decided to tape numbers to the bottom of my heels corresponding to the number of drinks I can safely consume in them.
hold on, were in the kitchen painting a yellow brick road to my vagina on my leg with black light paint.
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
No, I don't think your idea of offering shots in exchange for bonus points to your history professor at B-Dubs was a good idea. Especially after you later told him that you would "tap that" in regards to his wife.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
My mom just told me my dad shaves his pubes while drunk and I don't know how to feel anymore.
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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