If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Ok just don't go to jail. I saw your account balance. It can't take that.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
Haha I'm surprised I didn't see you I was drunkenly buying $70 in merchandise including a vibrating cock ring at that cvs around that time
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
Out of curiosity, do you feel happiness for you, or sadness for ME, that you are the only one I drunk text?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
I'm discussing Magic Mike with my mom and totally get why she thinks I'm gay.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Randomize
