If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
once he started yelling at me in latin, i wasn't sure what we were fighting about anymore...
just cuze she's 16 doesn't mean it's illegal to add her on facebook
He' s half Black and half Italian, I finally asked...this penis maybe one for the records.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
he cock-blocks himself, don't try to make excuses for him!
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
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