Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
Do you ever think God made girls unattractive around their periods as a warning?
I wish Pampers made couches for people like us.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
Are you scared? I basically plan on us looking like giant drunk skittles
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
