How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
dude she was givin me head and stops and looks up at me and tells me she loves me, then goes ''alright now cum in my mouth''.... pretty sure shes the one
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
I managed to get through my meeting without throwing up in someone else's office, so there's that for an accomplishment today.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
He was laying on a lawn chair, fell off onto his stomach and asked, "where'd the stars go?" That high.
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