I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
There I was staring at a teeny weeny black one and a huge white one. It was like an episode of Myth Busters
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
Do you think showing up at his door with bourbon and chicken is too forward?
after the ketamine those signs on the bathroom door had little meaning to us
Randomize
