He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I cut my penus on the lid.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
Getting your clit pierced is not something you want to trust to a crazy girl with an ice cube, some vodka, and a sewing needle. Trust me. I learned that the hard way.
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
i can believe you didnt get any, i was wing-girling the shit out of him
all you did was repeatedly scream GET IT IN
It took him 15 minutes to put the condom on.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
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