dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
Randomize
