the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
just pleasured myself to USA hockey beating Russia in the shoot out. god bless America.
No it was fine, I've just never seen that many people eat dog food
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
