Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Emergency! LinkedIn connected me to a hotornot hookup from sophomore year... slutty phase sphere has officially invaded grown up professional sphere. My illusions of interweb sexual anonymity have been exploded.
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
First night in my new apartment and I threw up in front of my neighbors door. Starting off this relationship strong.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Decisions were made. The quality of them will be judged tomorrow
Randomize
