bobby jindal makes me wanna cover my ears. you make me wanna smile.
Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
we need to get ahold of those "sexting" teens on tyra. HAWT!
wasnt one 13?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
glow-in-the-dark stars on his ceiling from '98 totally make blowing him more romantic.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Everybody posting sickening holiday couple pics and I'm over here deepthroating a bottle of whiskey.
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
Randomize
