I just spent an hour correcting all the grammar and spelling of all the 2pac songs on my ipod
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
He was singing R-E-S-P-E-C-T to a stripper between motorboats while our HR manager cheered him on.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
