Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
We found him flat on his back, sobbing, 'fuck you stars' at the sky. No more everclear for Derek.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
Why do I have "apologize to Dave Coulier" written on my hand?
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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