I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
The heart of my unhappiness in my job is that it's not a place where coworkers and I can draw dicks on everything to amuse each other
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
I spent two entire hours explaining to a guy why I wouldn't make out with him. How was your night?
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
FYI bail money is still in my drawer. I know you have no car but you need to know this for tomorrow.
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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