I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
He told me he felt like he shoud say thank you and as a prize i could keep anything from his room that i wanted.
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
