This smoking ban is really fucking with my ability to fart in public
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
After you passed out we took your car to the campus and stole a 150lb plaque that's now in your trunk. Happy birthday!
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
get your sex hands out of my capn crunch
He bought me shrimp and alcohol and referred to himself as daddy. I am in love.
I fell out of the car while it was moving then got puked on then puked and cried about then got back in the car and puked out the window when we started moving again
then I ended up getting a lapdance from my TA...I love college.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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