now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Her parents are celebrating she found someone so well endowed.
Will there be champagne when they see the pay check?
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
Randomize
