my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
We were naked in bed for hours and we didn't have sex. Either he's gay or he wants to respect me. Neither of which I approve of.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I'm driving while wearing hulk hands
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
Hung over and there is no way in the world I can make this mess look good today. Only solution is to stay drunk.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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