I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
If you're wearing dry underwear your day is already better than mine.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
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