I'm about to take my first shit since thursday. I'm scared. pray for me. If I don't make it, tell my family I love them.
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I just feel like a girl who's never eaten a pb&j probably doesn't swallow
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
i keep seeing little orange spots im starting to freak out
you tried mixing adderall in your visine last night..
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
Randomize
