I was about to buy asher roth's album and then i realized he was a ginger. can't support
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
just opened a can of spagetti o's with a butter knife. the things u will do for food when ur stoned.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
say it with me now .. the "golden" penis. his nickname does not disappoint.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
At what part of the night did you guys leave?
After my hot tub cannonball.
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
You're about wine.
Yes, I'm like 90% wine at the moment
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
