Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
she said it was okay because they were "professional" nude pictures of her on the internet
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
Amanda Bynes on the cover of maxim is my 8th grade masturbation fantasy come to life
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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