the police officer looked at my vomit and told me "milk was a bad choice"
I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
this boner is fucking legendary. i should name it and celebrate its birthday every year
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
I'm sorry I make you whore yourself out to him everytime I'm drunk and want mcdonalds.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I accidentally got a lemon stuck in your bong. I was trying to make it taste good. Sorry
He kept walking up to every girl at the party saying "Hi, I'm George Clooney. No I won't marry you." He left with three girls.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I'm in the Sheetz parking lot waiting for dad to finish a drug deal.
Randomize
