So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
He started yelling "fuck the environment" then puked all over the baby trees
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
