I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
I ran out of diet so I'm mixing captain with a juice box. Being a mom has finally paid off.
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
Two girls are doing the worm relatively well on the bar floor after the fact I just saw one puke in the trash
Just had to explain to a senior manager why I had duct tape residue on my wrist and hand. This weekend was a success.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
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