Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
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