then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
they have pregnancy tests at the dollar store
I feel like that is one of those things that you should not cheap out on.
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I gave the bike taxi guy a blowjob because I didn't have any cash. College.
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Sorry I had sex in your backseat while everyone was in the car
It's quite alright. I found his shorts in my backseat, not sure what he was wearing when we dropped him off
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