I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
Wow senior week shows you new things about yourself
Is this the I'm gay speech?
Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
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