It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
the last thing i remember is you screaming lets hunt humans.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
Welp, she's chewing our paper towels again. She's like an obnoxiously hot puppy
More likely there's a very shell-shocked cat wandering around somewhere, covered in potato peelings
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I told him i turn boys gay hoping that would scare him off. Finally i found a way to take advantage of my disability.
I just googled: how soon can I pee on a stick. What is my life coming to.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
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