I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Wake and baked to watch the boston marathon. God I love massachusetts
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
Is there a way to use porn to inspire him to have dirty thoughts? Like the movie Inception except with more lube and orgams?
Randomize
