i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if you ever come into my room screaming for me to set up rockband at 4:45 am ever again i will kill you
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Oh I forgot to tell u. I hit someone with my car in the RiteAid parking lot. More like a nudge.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
He's ninety percent amazing leader, brother, and teacher, and ten percent unforgivable douche. These are the men I look up to in my life.
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Dude!! Who the fuck glued Cheetos to my couch? Bastards!!
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
You know you started drinking too early in the day when you have a hangover at midnight
thats called having FUN
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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