I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
Sober Sundays just aren't working out anymore.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Just letting you know that while you peed your pants in that guys jeep, The orgasm I had made my hair fall out... Good morning.
Randomize
