I got so drunk I pissed the bed last night. He still likes me. He's a keeper
He is a keeper. You on the other hand are not.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Confession: Sometimes I wear my stolen scrubs to the corner store because people will think I'm a doctor and not just a girl too lazy to change out of her pajamas.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
