I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
She made out with me for a free sandwich. What makes you think she is NOT up to my standards?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Matt you can be anything you want to be. Including the awesome guy that brings pizza to a bunch of stoned and sorta drunk kids.
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
I want a musical about memes.
Recliner chair sex has moments of worry....just don't.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
Randomize
