Your favorite bartender is back from prision
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
She just landed. Popped over for a BJ and left. I'm a fan of layover layovers.
She gives the worst handjobs, it was like raw meat on a cheese grater
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
Like he and the nurses kept being so persistent with it and I just wanted to run out of there in my backless gown and yell FUCK OFF BITCHES IM OUT
I am the only person I know ever to have been brought TO the bar in the back of a cop a car. Twice.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
I think everyone at the office can tell I'm dehydrated
you mean still drunk
I've heard it both ways
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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