And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
So, remember how that one doctor said it was 1 in a million that I'd get pregnant...
Yeeah thank god
Well..welcome to parenting Mr. one in a million.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
Of course that's what I'm wearing. I need to find a beard to mount and ride STAT.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Dude, Kevin called the cops on the cops.
Clothing is a burden necessitated by propriety.
Randomize
