my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Hung over does not do it justice. I am hung like a horse over. I am hungover and over and over. I am hung, drawn and quartered fucking over. They just told me I can't keep my sunglasses on in the office. Fuck drinking with you people.
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
