I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
She always manages to outslut me. I can't keep up
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
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