i kinda do this "flirt with girls and pretend to be a hot white guy named chris" thing
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
How are you going to be there by 9am?
Relax I always go to these conferences hung over
You say that like it's a positive quality
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Currently flirting with a 57 year old. Why do i do this
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
You got me so high that I almost couldn't leave my house for a bar because there was nothing to lean against on the way there
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's brunch. If you find dick at brunch. You an A+ hoe.
Randomize
