So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
That’s true love. If they recognize a chocolate mold of your anus.
One of your 'guests' left her bra in the kitchen.
Dude, does it look like any of the women I bring home wear bras?
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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